WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
