Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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