A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
