We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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