I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
