I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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