I wish my penis had an off switch
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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