I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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