peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
