Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I can text with my tongue
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize