Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
