Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
