I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
what day is it and did you see me today?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
