You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
