WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
