I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Terrible idea I love it
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
