You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
