My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
