to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
