Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
If I die, sorry about rent.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
