one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
