why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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