I think I died a long time ago.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
