Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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