I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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