I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
