Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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