i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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