Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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