so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
