i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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