So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
