i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
