Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
