Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
