Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
