I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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