i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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