Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
