I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
