so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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