Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
