I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
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Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
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It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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