I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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