There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
