am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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