new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
