I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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