I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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