hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
