did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I said "one day" and that day is not today
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
