So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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