Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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