Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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