Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
