first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
