So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
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She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
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It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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