ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
