your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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