The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
