My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
