I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
