dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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