Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
