Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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