We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
