You don't have asthma, your pregnant
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I want a musical about memes.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
