dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
