Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Randomize
