I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
