I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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