Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
