The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
