Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
