And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
