I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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