You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
